Here are some words from just a few of Emilee's many satisfied clients.
Well last week my little Snufkin, my precious tabby cat, wandered out
of the house while I wasn't looking and was missing for hours! He
almost always comes right back when I call for him, you know, "Snufkin!
Snuuuuufkiiiin! Here tabby tabby kitty kitty," but this time he didn't!
Something had to be done so I got out the phonebook and that print is
so small it's a wonder anyone can find anything in there! But anyway I
did find a number, I thought it said "Kitty Finder," but apparently it
said "Urban Ninja," but either way this girl dressed all in black
showed up at my door before I could even pick up the phone! I explained
what had happened and was just about to invite her in for tea when she
ran off again! Well that was very odd and rather rude, honestly, but I
went to make some tea anyway in case she came back and wanted some, and
maybe some cookies as well. I was just about to mix some up when there
was a knock at the door and there she was, holding my precious little
Snufkin out to me! He was so excited he was wiggling all over the place
and making happy kitty noises, I think he really liked her. She
disappeared again before I could offer her some cookies but she is
welcome back anytime…
- You can just call me Edna, sweetie, and Snufkin
Reunited Cat and Owner
My roommate was really getting on my nerves. I mean
he never shut up, he always had his girlfriend over and he slept all
day. Clearly, he had to die. I went online and searched for
"assassins," and came across this Urban Ninja website. It was perfect!
Emilee came right over and waited outside the door for my roommate to
come home, and then BAM! I didn't see her actually do it, but one
second she was there and the next second my roommate was laying there
bleeding all over the place. I rolled him up in the carpet and went to
meet my friends at Woody's. Thanks Urban Ninja!
- Donald Herman
Now-Able-to-Study College Student
I never saw her coming!
- Terri Gill
Former Assassination Target
So this one night I was locked outta my car, right?
And my keys were inside, right? And my cell phone was all dead 'cause I
used up all my minutes talkin' to my boyfriend because he totally
thinks I'm cheating on him but I'm NOT. I just like to flirt, okay?
Well anyways I was freakin' out 'cause it was dark and I'm really cute
and vulnerable but then this person just showed up out of nowhere! I
thought it was a robber at first so I went to grab my mace but then she
pulled out this pointy thing and totally picked the lock! Daddy says
you should always tip the help so I handed her some money, I think it
was a twenty but it was really dark and you know, whatever, my parents
give me money anyway! So yeah, like, what was I talking about?
- Candee Jameson
A-OK Daddy's Girl
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